somber sunday


- when your project manager is irresponsible by neglecting to attend to matters where you are to receive the compensation due you

- and you have to ask your brother, who just got back from overseas work, to fend for you, when he's not even comfortably well off

- and then you and he have to go visit your incarcerated father at his initiative because he is genuinely concerned

- the moment the father sees his two children: one gets up to reach for the father's hand to bring to his forehead while the other just sits there, impassive and detached

- but the father reaches for the daughter instead and hugs her (which she does not return), lodging away the gesture of the son in the process, hay naku

- observed by the daughter with no reaction but with a disapproval that she does not show

- and you're interrogated regarding your life, when you have no intention at all of giving answers that indicate a positive and encouraging status in life, or that signify treading a promising path to success and a good life

- kakapagod mga ganyan na tanong eh

- and in your heart, your brother's concern for you breaks your heart because you're very concerned for his well-being as well, and you're upset that you're being a weak link, making others provide for you when you should be strong enough to provide for yourself

- and there your father goes on and on about what he can do for you and your welfare, and tiredly, resignedly, you think maybe if he could focus more of that kind of attention to his other children instead? it would hearten the daughter more because she is concerned for her siblings

- and all day, i just keep wondering whether my brother is really alright and hoping that he will be good at taking care of himself and his family, and hoping the trip back to our home province will be safe and secure

- haay. a trying day.

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