i have a secret. i think i have a crush on this guy named glenn. he works here; he's from a different unit but has the same oversight boss as me.

we never really work together but during the past few days, i attended some events that he was working on and it was in those days that i saw glenn smile at me TWICE. it was a grin, actually. and a terrific one at that. i saw glenn grin at me like he was christmas and it has been driving me to distraction ever since.

the first time happened while the crew was hanging out together at a booth in a governance fair at the convention center here in the city. jojo and ludell were talking and when i approached, they told me they were talking about me. they said i was like one of those characters in the movie Inside Out and that i looked pretty that day. glenn looked up from where he was sitting and he grinned at me. i wondered if i was imagining things.

the second time was at work. i was in their office taking up something with his colleague though i can't remember what. glenn was on his way out the door but before going out, he looked at me, flashed me that grin, and asked, "anjan si asec?" i was dumbstruck; my mind clicked and i took a picture of his grin. it quickly became the highlight of my day.

his grin was a happy one. it was boyish, too, and seducibly charming. glenn is a good-looking guy; but when he grinned the way that he did, he was devastating. i wondered endlessly about what was accounting for his smile. he's probably happy because now he's seeing the fruits of his labors for government (which was what the events i attended were about) and how it affected the lives of people in the country. or he's probably high because of a girlfriend or someone and he was just simply flashing me some residual happiness. did he realize that he was smiling at me? i hadn't smiled back, both times, but every time i remember his smile, i feel like smiling back at him.

"cor?" my housemate asked me two nights ago as i was dreamily staring at nothing. "you're smiling. why are you smiling?"

i realized i was behaving like an idiot smiling at some vague space on the wall when there was nothing funny going on. i carefully stopped it.

i couldn't stop thinking about glenn though. the next day, i was on my way to work when my phone vibrated and i took it out and froze. it was the day of our boss' birthday and i was collecting birthday messages for her and he had texted:

Hi Cory, this is Glenn. Hintayin mo yung mga letters namin to Asec ha hehe

wait, what? he texts me? and in a friendly manner, too! is he alright with that? does he know that he just texted me? was he also aware that he had grinned at me - TWICE? see, i think i'm more of a ghost to him. i don't think he sees me.

feeling like an idiot for obsessing about an obviously non-issue, non-event thing, i decided that the safest manner of responding was to act like it was NO BIG DEAL. i replied with a short, chirpy conversation-ender: no prob! no smiley, no "hehe", nothing. just two words, one exclamation point.

when i saw glenn again that day, he wasn't grinning at me laughingly anymore. and i missed it.


sunday, august 30 - glenn first smiled at me. at the governance fair at the convention center here in the city.

tuesday, september 1 - the second smile. in their office, ground floor of our building, by the door.

wednesday, september 2 - his text. so not erasing his text anytime soon. still not believing it happened.


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