how to keep thin

so they ask me how i keep thin. that's when i share my regimen.

1. sleep late. like how late? like, when it's already morning.

2. wake up late. but this is a matter of course.

3. eat fast. jam the food into your mouth and hurry up because you're running late.

4. run. run fast! run as if your life depended on it. because it does. it's your job, you see. your job depends on it. you can't be late.

5. and then, of course, never never exercise. what for? the running to work is enough. you should encourage yourself to always leave the house at the very last minute because if not, your heart would miss this routinary cardiovascular exercise.

but don't you ever feel sleepy? well, that's what the coffee is for. don't you notice i'm never without it?

and see? look at me: i'm very slender.

are there others like me who follow this same regimen that i do? yes, of course. bats. those flying things at night. they're the same as me. owls. owls, as well, you know? i'm kindred with owls.

this is the way to be thin. trust me, it works. try it. :)

note: regimen is subject to change without prior notice. after all, we all evolve.