the day i decided to

Lala invited me to watch Tintin with her and Allison at Trinoma today, but I turned down her invite, telling her that I was working on, um, changing my life.

"I decided to change my life last December 1," I texted her.

"But that's our anniversary," she said when she had called me up to talk about the invite. She was referring to her anniversary with Allison.

"Yeah," I said. "I know. Next year, I'll be joining your celebration to celebrate the uh, anniversary of the day I decided to change my life."

Last December 1 was a Thursday, and I decided to "change my life" that night. It means I'm getting on to the next stage of changing.

I still remember the time I began to change, the initial point. The realization, and what that was. But I have had to change internally before I could begin to change externally.

I was out of sync with the person that I was inside. So it was my thoughts and my thinking that I had to bring in line first. And now, it's the fabric of my actions and habits that I now have to mend and change.

Mend. Though no one knew, I had actually been mending on the inside. And thinking about this wound on the inside makes me remember something I read in The Tale of Despereaux. I don't have the book for reference right now but there's a quote online that refers to it: When your heart breaks, it can grow back crooked. It grows back twisted and gnarled and hard. And I'm happy because I don't think that this is the case with me. My wound appears to be healing along nicely. I don't think it'll be leaving a scar that's nasty and terrible.

I owe it all to the people who have registered their names in my heart. (And to God, I silently add.)

Perhaps the reason why I couldn't do it before was because I hadn't mended enough yet. Strings that got broken were needed to hold fast to each other again. It's like when the foundations have not yet finished being put as yet. There are some things that can't be had on unfinished foundations.

I need to continue hacking at this, I told Lala.

Alright. We'll just come by around 6, okay? she said. We'll just ring you.

They're coming by for a quick visit before they see the movie. Maybe this is why my heart mends along nicely.

So, in conclusion, they better come by because I wrote about it. Hehe. Joke lang. Peace out!


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