not exactly your light reading

The title served as a warning.

Where'd you get the idea that words don't hurt?

Where'd you get the idea that contempt, derision, scorn, disgust, not knowing your own daughter, etc., don't leave a person scarred or wounded?

Just because I'm your daughter, I get to be the receptacle of all the bitterness, resentment, anger and rage you have inside your breast.

I'm sorry for how your father treated you. I'm sorry for how father treated you. I'm sorry for how you feel life has dealt you.

I'm sorry he had to be that way since day one. I'm sorry you felt life was a living hell since day zero.

But even as I try to understand, please understand also that I have a heart too, and it's made of flesh and blood just like hearts are, so I don't remain unaffected. You don't know it, but you've also inadvertently made a punching bag out of my heart. You don't know it, but you've also inadvertently left a pool of blood to gather at my feet, where you last left thorns, daggers and hemlock. It may be easy to overlook but I'm still no apple to inject poison or venom into and make tired, lifeless.

Now how did you expect me to be merry and caper happily about? How does it happen that one breaks two of another's legs and then be confounded as to the other's inability to walk properly? Honestly.

You know you really did us well and good, and I'm really thankful. I second with my heart what a good someone rightly admonished to me, saying, "you need to show gratitude for they afforded you the gift of life and the possibility of heaven." You know you really shouldn't hate my friends or the people I choose to associate myself with. In a significant way, they're responsible for when people have said of me na "maganda naman ang ugali eh..." or "gusto naman namin ang ugali eh..." You've never spoken well of my friends. And that has caused me many a tear. Which you also haven't noticed, even when they rolled right down my cheeks in your near vicinity. But just for the record, when people have spoken well of my attitude, they've spoken well of my friends.

But that was a side note, and I'm digressing.

As I was saying, a good friend mentioned an obligation towards gratefulness, and truthfully, I don't really mind carrying that obligation. It's only that I don't think I'll ever be all too crazy about all the heart-trampling and heart-darting that go around. And when they've been going around all your life, there's a case for what they call "burn-out." Tired. Lifeless. Weary. Listless. Now you have the reason why I act that way with you.

Please don't think I'm overreacting.

I have to admit - Thank You for getting some fundamental facts about human life right. Really. But I'd also like to venture to suggest, just food for some thought if you will, that it might also do well to remember that another vital, important fact of our human condition is that we have hearts. I think, and here I'm just voicing my opinions aloud, that it would be a very grave folly to ignore the human heart and how it beats. 'Cause you know, you have also kept on asking for the very things you keep alienating.

It just does not seem so logical to rip chests out of people and then demand or command from them things of the heart that they've been rendered incapable of.

And it's the saddest thing when it all boils down to an irony, and a tragicomedy.


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